I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
