During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
