I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
