but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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