I think i peed on brittanys purse
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
