Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
