hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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