i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
