Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
