Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
