all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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