turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
