Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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