He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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