do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
