i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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