I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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