Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
