Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
