I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
