they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
