He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
