Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
