Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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