just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
