with your own penis?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
