I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
