Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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