i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
