I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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