I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
