I think I won the penis lottery.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
