At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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