i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
