so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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