i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
