What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do herpes really smell.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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