Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
