you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
