Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
