I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
