I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
