I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
