he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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