Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
