Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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