i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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