two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
