What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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