I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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