proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
