I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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