lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
