mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
