Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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