I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
