is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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