So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
