I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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