I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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