I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
