k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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