I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
