I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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