Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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