I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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