We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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