Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
