a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
