I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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