Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
