The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize