So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
