we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
