sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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