omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
