Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ttyl tear gas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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