I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
