Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
