There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
