yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
