You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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