ugly people sure do ruin things
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
