Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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