if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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