I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Randomize