its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
