if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
