Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
is that a dick in a sweater?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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