Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
