Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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