If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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