I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
