I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
