are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
